Street theatre by Jos Bell and the friends of Lewisham SOS NHS
12 speaking parts, 4 non speaking, Extra chorus members
Sung chorus – although all lines can be spoken instead
Characters :
Auctioneer – wearing NHS for SALE sign and gavel. Also bag of smarties
Lansley – Suit with character mask Label LaLaLansley
Clegg – Suit with character mask Label Codger Clegg
Cameron – Suit with character mask Label Cunning Cameron
Patient 1 with bad hips and crutches
Patient 2 with cataracts
Nurse ( no lines )
Patient 3 in bloody sheet with drip tube
Surgeons in scrubs, surgical masks x 2 with knives & forks (no lines )
US Profit maker with bag of coins in sharp suit
Expectant lady – patient 4 – with suitably placed cushion
Cherry Pick (patient 5 wearing large name label )
3 x Bidders for Cherry Pick & local hospital, smart suits, labelled
Singers for songs and chorus lines ( marked in green ) – pref dressed as nurses, physios etc
NHS for Sale
INTRO
Auctioneer ( on raised platform/box with placard and gavel)
Roll up ! Roll up! NHS for Sale! NHS for Sale!
Doctors and patients count for nothing
Greedy shareholders want to keep the rest
Lansley, Clegg and Cameron are set to steal our NHS!
Roll up! Roll up! NHS for Sale!
SONG (To Casualty theme tune )
In 1948 Nye Bevan said
Long live the welfare state
Whether you’re rich or you’re poor Don’t have to pay anymore
When you fall ill
NHS under threat from
Coalition government
Waiting lists will get worse
Profiteers lining their purse
Unless we fight!
Auctioneer: Sale time! Sale time! NHS for Sale! NHS for Sale!
What will you bid? What will you bid?
Never mind the quality! It’s all about the cut!
Never mind the cure! It’s all about a bargain!
I see you have bad leg madam! Do you need both crutches?
No of course you don’t!
Patient 1: But I need them! I need them! My hips don’t work!
Auctioneer Your hips don’t work you say?Well you can have one of each. One hip and one crutch
As for you over there – watch where you are going!
Patient 2 I can’t see! I can’t see!
Auctioneer What? What?
Patient 2 You don’t have to shout – I can hear you! I just can’t see you!
Auctioneer Aha! Would that be cataracts? Well we have a bargain today! Give up a kidney and you can have both cataracts done!
Patient 2 But I want to keep my kidneys! I need them!
Auctioneer In which case you can have one cataract done – which eye do you like best?
Patient 2 Both of them!
Auctioneer Aha! Now what have we here Nurse?? These look a profitable bunch!
Surgeons operating with knives and forks patient with drip and blood soaked sheet
Chorus chant: No we are here to operate!
We are here to chop up the patient
We are here to kill or cure
Patient 3 (in blood soaked sheet) No no! Help help!
Cameron: You can manage without anaesthetic! Who needs expensive equipment! You don’t need any training
Chorus chant: When we’ve got to make a profit just like the USA
Lansley : Yes you have to make a profit! Just like the USA
I will make a killing while patients die on the floor Cos the NHS that you love so much Just won’t be here any more Yes you have to make a profit! Just like the USA
Chorus chant: Chop up the patient – kill or cure
Because the NHS won’t be here any more
Auctioneer Roll up ! Roll up! NHS for Sale! NHS for Sale!
What will you give me for these lovely pink pills?
US Profit maker ( in smart suit shaking bag of money)
Pills? Who needs pills?
I can offer you better than pills! Cheaper than pills!
Here – have a bag of pennies and halve the number of nurses!
You won’t know the difference
Once the patient dies
Auctioneer Aha! Madam I see that you are expecting!
pregnant lady (patient 4) Yes, I think I’m about to pop!
Auctioneer Well you can’t pop here – it costs too much
pregnant lady patient 4)I need a midwife!
AuctioneerThere aren’t any left – you’ll have to improvise. Go away!
pregnant lady (patient 4) Ooooooooooooo
SONG Ode to privatisation (to the tune of John Brown’s Body)
Well, they’ve privatised gas and they’ve
Privatised phones
They’ve privatised water and they’ve
privatised our homes
They wanna make a profit any way they can
In the name of efficiency
Oh profit ( la la la la la )
Oh profit ( la la la la la )
Oh I wonder where it goes, oh heaven only knows
Oh profit ( la la la la la )
Lots of profit (la la la la la)
But it’s not for you or me
They’re trying to privatise health, they wanna
Privatise schools
They’re privatising benefits and changing
All the rules
Competition’s healthy or so they say
But not for the workers’ pay
Oh profit ( la la la la la )
Lovely profit (la la la la la )
For the pockets of the few while there’s
Millions on the dole queue
Profit (la la la la la )
Still more profilt ( la la la la la )
But it’s not for you or me
Auctioneer Who will bid me for this patient? Who will bid me for this patient?!
(Patient no 5 – labelled Cherry Pick )
Chorus chant : Who will be a cherry picker? Who will be a cherry picker?
Private healthcare bidders:
1. No she’s chronic!!
2. Too complex! Too expensive! Too pricey!
3. Oh give her to me – I’ll finish her off!
Auctioneer: Done!
NOW – who wants a lovely hospital going cheap?
Private healthcare bidders: WE DO !!
Auctioneer Roll up! Roll up! What will you give me for this group of greedy codgers?
Lansley : Aha I want your blood! I want your blood!
Blood donations are going to be private –
But how do I know that it’s safe?
well, if there’s money to be made, why not?
Cameron : A+E – I know what you’re thinking – expensive, no?!
Well, think about it this way: these people are at their most needy…
so it’s the perfect opportunity to bleed ’em dry while their bleeding…
Come on pay up! Pay up!
Clegg : Paediatrics – people will do anything for their kids – especially get their credit cards out… Come on get your PIN out!
Chorus chant :David Cameron hates your children. Pay up! Pay up!
Yes – Andrew Lansley hates you too! Pay up! Pay up!
They don’t care about the dying ‘cos there’s no money to be made from death!
Andrew Lansley hates the young.
Nick Clegg hates the old .
David Cameron hates you all
Auctioneer: Roll up! Roll up! NHS for Sale! NHS for Sale!
What will you give me for these manky old codgers?
Chorus chant :NOTHING!
SONG (to the tune of Biko)
Leader: We’ll fight on We will fight on to save the NHS X 2
We will fight on X 2
We will fight on to save the NHS
Leader: We won’t pay
We will not pay the bankers’ debts X 2
We will not pay X 2
We will not pay the bankers’ debts
Leader: The poorest
Why should the poorest foot the bill X2
Why should the poor X2
Why should the poorest foot the bill
Leader: The NHS
We will defend the NHS X2
We will defend X2
We will defend the NHS
Repeat verse 1